Nearing Death

I went to the funeral of a neighbor today and when I got home I had a message from the care center where my mother is residing. They said she is not doing well and that she needed to go to the hospital or on hospice. Dad and I went over there and visited and agreed on hospice. Yesterday when dad was there she was doing great. Last night they had called me that she was throwing up. I advised them they could check on her and if it got worse call me and I would take her to the hospital. I thought she might have a little bug or touch of food poisoning. But no one else at the care center was sick. No call. Until today at 11:30. Which I got at 1:30. She won't wake up and her lungs are filling with fluid and her breathing is ragged. While I was at the care center I met with the nurse and the social worker and signed a bunch more papers for hospice. They are quite sure this is the end of her life. Perhaps as long as two weeks but they doubt it. I know that she would welcome death if she was in her right mind. She always said she would prefer death to living with Alzheimer's but still it is emotional to say good-bye. It is funny how we have been prepared for her to die for the last year at least and now that the time has come so have the tears. I don't want her to stay. Her quality of life is negative but it is still emotional. I will spend some time each day now at the care center with her. Feelings about my parents are mixed and confusing but none the less, they are my parents and I do love them in my own twisted way. But I certainly don't want them to suffer and I know she is getting kind and proper care where she is. Tomorrow I also have a meeting to get my dad on a veteran's aid program. Perhaps he can get some more money each month and help me pay off the second mortgage I had to take out to make room for them to stay here. Tomorrow is a busy day.

ONE GOOD THING: I don't have to go to work and I have time to do all that needs doing.