Monday, August 15, 2011

Third Down, Two to Go

Third down, two to go sounds like football talk to me but even better is that I only have two more sessions of chemo to go. I guess I should have written sooner but this lasts session was a little tougher than the first two. I had more gagging with nausea so I took anti-nausea pills for several days for the first time since I started chemo. That led to more napping. I hope the next session goes back to skipping the nausea. It is so funny that after they fill you with all the drugs anything that goes wrong I am told to fix it with more meds but in pill form. Nauseous = pill, pain = pill, constipated = pill, diarrhea = pill, not sleeping = pill. That is the list of what I have ingested so far. I hate taking meds and in my life I can count on one hand how many times I have been sick since eighteen. Now this cancer doozy for almost eighteen months from start to finish.

I am starting to get chemo bills and I am blown away by how much this costs. I am just talking about chemo and I have radiation to follow and a full year of herceptin.  Herceptin is so expensive and it is every three weeks for a year. If this stupid stuff comes back after this year of fighting I just might have surgery and stop at that. If you can't pay your bills what is the point of living to be realllllly old to torment your children. It really makes me madder than being sick. We all die at some point and although I really want to see all my grandchildren grow into adults I know my kids will do fine without me to help raise them. It is just a selfish wish to enjoy those sweet babies as long as I can.

Went to two movies in the last week and there was mention of cancer in both of them. In one a man is getting a divorce and his co-workers, when they find out about the divorce say, "At least it isn't cancer." I had to laugh because I thought the stress from getting a divorce and trying to support four kids was more stressful than cancer treatments. However, now that I am getting bills and am retired with a small retirement income I hope they take payments because the charges are more than I get each month. If they take payments I will get through this okay even if it takes a couple years.  But I do NOT want to do this again!

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