Chemo - Finito

So, last week was the last of the chemo infusions and the last of the neulasta shots. I thought prior to the day of infusion and the days of last week how happy I was. This weekend was a different matter. I am feeling depressed and overwhelmed. I may be done with the chemo but I still have 33 days of daily radiation, infusions of herceptin every three weeks until the end of next April and five years of hormone pills. If there is anything else they can do to you to prevent breast cancer I don't know about it and I have way more ahead than behind. I am trying to assure myself that at least my hair will grow back now and that starting this weekend my energy should start to come back. If it does, maybe I will start to feel better but right now I feel totally overwhelmed with the whole process and the incredible financial loss. Since the first day of meeting with my doctor I have heard nothing about finances.  Maybe if they would tell me more I would feel more hopeful but all I see in my future are bills. How do people with a recurrence do it? I also think that even with all this torment I will have a recurrence. Maybe that has to do with the fact that two neighbors have died from the recurrence of breast cancer, in fact, one last week. Enough wallowing in self pity.

I have had a good week with few after effects. Lots of sleep but no body pain and little nausea.  Hooray! I even slept thirteen hours one night - crazy. It has been sort of amusing to see how each session has been slightly different from the previous ones. I have had cravings each time. I guess that is because the terrible taste in my mouth allows me to only appreciate certain foods. I have craved skim milk for a couple weeks, chocolate milk a couple other weeks, real coke and Fresca a few other weeks. This week it was orange/lemonade.  A drink of the two mixed together. Today the crappy taste is starting to leave my mouth but after this week I vow to give up soda totally. If water will start to taste good again I can go to straight water - I used to love water until chemo came into my life.

I also go to see the surgeon for a follow up visit this week and next week I see the radiation doctor for mapping and the schedule of when the radiation will begin. Because radiation is daily I can't go anywhere and that is messing with my brain. I doubt I would want to go anywhere anyway since I have to care for my dad but knowing I can't makes me want to. Oh, the contrary brain that I have. I hope to start back with at least some classes at the gym to help my over those six weeks.

I have to start to do something to stop the thoughts of cancer and start the thoughts of happy. I have about six weeks to get my yard ready for winter so maybe that will make me happier. I hope to start that next week. I did only one little area of flowers this spring (in front of my bedroom window) and the rest is either weeds or mulch. I hope to get pansies and daffodils planted in the front yard and all the weeds pulled and maybe even some edging finished. I also have 2 quilts to finish before mid December. This Friday night I start making Christmas gifts at a craft class. I don't have the money this year to buy what I want for people so I am trying to be creative. Maybe creativity will be fun??!!