Kathleen and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I have cancer. I HAVE CANCER! I have cancer? What a crock! My doctor called me late yesterday afternoon as I was having a lovely nap and gave me the news. What a terrible way to wake from a lovely nap snuggled under the covers in my bed. I must admit I wasn't terribly surprised - I had a biopsy on Tuesday and really thought it would be cancer. I have breast cancer in my right breast. Crap, it couldn't even be on the left side? I had the meeting with the boob doctor today and decided to have a lumpectomy on Tuesday. It is done on an outpatient basis - in and out - the lump and me from LDS Hospital.

I couldn't feel anything, when I had my physical last month my regular doctor didn't feel it, and the boob doctor couldn't either. After two sets of mammograms, and two ultasounds she saw it and I had the biopsy on Tuesday and got the results yesterday, Wednesday. After thinking about it for a while I went to Beth's and told her. It was surreal to verbalize that I had cancer. It still seems unreal. Today I told my friend Susan, my trainer Peggy, Alex, and now I have to call Courtney and tomorrow night I will try to reach Ryan. I wasn't going to tell anyone until after the surgery but I need transportation so I had to tell someone and then I thought how mad I would be if my children didn't tell me if it happened to them. I am not going to let anyone else know until after the surgery though. I will be fine and don't need people bringing food. I have already eaten about 2000 calories in candy since yesterday afternoon.

The prognosis is very positive for what we know at this time. As far as the doctor can tell no lymph nodes are affected. It is an aggressive tumor but we caught it very early. We will know more after the surgery and lab results are in of course. Then on to the oncologist for info on radiation and/or chemo. It is all unpleasant and too bad it happened in the spring, my favorite time of year to work in the yard! I was hoping to do a lot of yard work but may have to take it easy on that. Maybe I can postpone the follow up treatments until July when I don't want to be in the yard much.

I haven't cried really - just a bit the first time I had to say the words to Beth. It was so unreal that verbalizing it was shocking. I know I will be well in the long run and so grateful that it was found early. I look forward to this being behind me. I am only emotional when I think of telling my kids. I am not going to tell the little grandkids or my dad. The little kids would worry for no reason when I am going to okay in the long run and my dad will just cry. I may have to tell him if I get really sick on the treatments though. I will deal with whatever comes up; I always do in one way or another.