Gone!

It has now been a year since I finished chemo. I had my mammogram in March and then my six month mammo in September and they were both great. No sign of returning cancer. I finished my infusions of Herceptin the end of April and had my port out in May. I saw the oncologist in August for my followup and don't have to see him again for six months. I am done! Well, not quite. I have a bit more than four years of taking the oral drug to inhibit any new growth of cancer since I am HER2 positive. I am not very happy with the drug since it gives me hot flashes but that is better than having cancer. I will put up with it. Hot flashes is really a misnomer since it isn't a flash but rather a five to ten minute flush of intense heat. But it is what it is and much less annoying than all the cancer treatments.

When I first finished the treatments in April, I was suddenly rather depressed. Much more so then when I was told I had cancer and was going through treatments. It took a while for me to figure out why but I think I finally discovered the reason. I was afraid it was coming back because I was no longer doing anything to fight it. Now after completing several exams and realizing the oral drug is still fighting I am no longer depressed or frightened. There are other things to worry me now.

My oldest son has cancer. He is only 39 and found out on his birthday that he has skin cancer on his chest. Not the kind of cancer from the sun but another much rarer kind. The doctor told him only about 200 people a year get his kind of cancer. He is having surgery this week to have it removed and then when we get the doctor's report I hope I can stop being so nervous. I am not sleeping well as I keep thinking about him and his son and all they have been through. His wife died of colon cancer just two and a half years ago. Hopefully we will get a good report in a few more days. He says the cure rate is ninety percent, so I hope so.

I hope to continue sharing my thoughts but on a wider variety of topics and happier thoughts. I feel like my life was on pause for a year and a half. Over that now and on to the rest of my life.

Radiation Begins

Last week I was "mapped" for radiation. That means they tattooed 5 little dots on my chest and sides, took measurements, and took x rays. This week I went every day for radiation, which was very fast and efficient. So one week down and five more to go. It has taken only 45 minutes round trip, changing clothes, and radiation! I must admit it is annoying to have to go every day though. This first week I have not noticed any change in my skin but the doctor said it could take from two to three weeks for any discoloration, but I did buy some aloe to put on my skin as soon as I see an change so I don't get bad burns. The radiation burns are what I am most nervous about - they are ugly and painful from what I have heard from people who have gotten them but not everyone gets them. I hope I don't get them but I have the aloe to help and if that doesn't the doctor said he would give me a prescription for something stronger.

My oldest daughter and youngest son came over and helped with the yard work I needed done to prepare for winter. I have only a little left to do this fall and hopefully my energy will return to normal by spring and I can prepare my yard to look good for selling the house. Now I have a cold with sore throat, but I think it may take longer then usual to pass. I'll see since I haven't had any illness since all this started last March. I feel I have had an unusually easy time for all this treatment and hopefully it will continue. The nausea, body pain, and sleepiness has been minor compared to those I have talked with and read about - I am blessed to have gone through this so well.

Now I have to whip up a quilt top this month for a Christmas present so no time for sickness.

Chemo, Second Go-Around

My goal was to blog the day of chemo but I got too busy this second session and then too miserable. Anyway, the first week after my first chemo session I had a hard time sleeping well for some reason, but especially with the body aches from the Neulasta shot. But in total it was not too bad except by week two sleeping was a hard thing to achieve. I was sleeping 2-3 hours a night most nights. My hair started to fall out on day 15. I went to have it shaved off when I got a hand full of hair while I was trying to wash it. THAT was surprisingly traumatic! Two swipes of the clippers and I was sobbing! I thought it was because I was vain but the next day I figured out it was because now the sign that I had cancer was soooo obvious! I have lost my privacy! THAT is what was troubling me. I am over it now. It is what it is and there is nothing to do but get through it!

I was actually looking forward to the second chemo session because the doctor gave me some sleep aids and I was determined to get enough sleep this time through. I am getting such great sleep this time that last night I slept 12 hours. But the worst thing about this cancer thing so far isn't the chemo and losing my hair but that Neulast shot. First of all, the cost: it is outrageous! But, worst of all is the pain throughout your body starting a few hours after getting the shot. This time I used pain pills to get me through. So that helped the pain and the sleep. It was a double bonus.

Also, your body is no longer normal. The first week after the chemo sessions I have gotten constipation and then diarrhea for the next two weeks. I never have those problems but the chemicals do strange things to my whole body. This has happened for both of these chemo sessions. Again, add more drugs to the mix to fix those problems. Five days after chemo was Father's Day and I planned a nice dinner and homemade cake. It was a hard day. I was exhausted just trying to bake the cake and cook the main dish so we improvised and had frosted cake the next day. I won't plan big dinners any more for 2 weeks after chemo. Next chemo is day before my son's birthday so we will celebrate it on July 4th instead. I just do what I can do and refuse to be upset or make myself more miserable.

I have bought a cute hat and scarf to wear to church or any dress up event. I bought several head covers and a couple scarves for other days. I was given a couple by some friends, too. If it is hot around the house I am just baldish. I am not completely bald yet but pretty thin and patchy.

I am having my blood build up week next week (the third week) so I am going to visit my oldest son and my grandson for a week before I have to go through this again. I didn't think I would be able to travel while going through this so I am excited to do this trip. It has now been 10 days since my last treatment and I hope to be feeling better each day from today until my next treatment.

Maybe next post I will have a picture of me with and without hair.

In the Beginning.

So yes, I still have cancer. No miracle occurred to take it away. Although I must be honest that was never part of my prayers and it really didn't dawn on me until now that I hadn't prayed for that. I just prayed for the strength to get through each procedure as they came up. And then of course, I spent the night before each not sleeping - just a bundle of nerves. The procedures were never bad enough to lose the sleep but that is how my nerves work - if only I couldn't eat instead of not being able to sleep, the benefit would be so much better.

Today was my first chemo infusion. They told me it would be about 3 hours - it was 5. Thank goodness it wasn't all chemo infusion. After I had the blood draws (extra ones too because I am being good and taking part in a BYU study and research on cancer) through the port (I LOVE THAT THING!) this cute older lady sat next to me. She had the same cancer I did and the same drugs but this was her last infusion of Herceptin, so she had been at this the full year. She gave me so much info about what it was like for her and showed me her stubbly hair that was growing in slowly but surely. It made me feel better. After she left a guy sat there and he too was on his last treatment but for a different cancer so his drugs and reactions were different. People there at the center are so kind and sharing - both patients, nurses, and attendants. I asked a lot of questions of my nurse and he had the patience to answer them all. After he left I wrote all the answers down so when I wondered again I could look them up.

So here was today's program:

1. I put numbing cream on the port at home so it would be good and numb before they put the needle in. (The port is under the skin so Alex said I looked like an alien. It is in a triangle and has 3 bumps you can feel and they insert the needle into it and then everything is done on the IV line that is attached.) But you would feel the needle if you didn't use the numbing cream.

2. They weigh you, take your temp and BP each time you go into the office to monitor you and not take anything for granted.

3. Once I am in my "lounging" chair they draw blood to check that my blood cells are ok for chemo. Plus today they drew the extra ones for the BYU study. (Chalk one up for me being a good blood sharer since I can never donate blood again) They check those before starting any infusion to make sure my red and white cell count is good. There is something else they are checking for but that won't be back until tomorrow and they call me with that info. I don't remember what that was for - my note taking missed that one. They were sure today I would be good since it was my first time, but you never know down the road so they will check again in 2 weeks and again at my next chemo appointment.

4. Then they flush the port out to prepare to start infusions.

5. They first infusion today was Dexamethasone. I also took it in pill form yesterday, today and tomorrow. That was for an hour and is for nausea. Plus I have extra nausea pills to use as needed (2 prescriptions- Think they think I might get nausea?)

6. Next is the infusion of Herceptin for an hour. That is because I have the HER2 receptor and I have to get this every 3 weeks for a year.

7. Then they hit the big guns: Taxotere and Carboplatin. Those are separate infusions but total about 1 1/2 hours one right after the other.

8. They flush the port again and I am off for home.

The nurse, Doug, said I have a few hours before the nausea will hit this first time, but that each time will be different as the drugs all build up in my body. That is why I am doing the post before I spend my time with my head in a bucket. Bonnie was cute, she said it was a hard way to diet but she lost 40 pounds. I could only wish - I will probable gain!

Tomorrow I have to go back and get a shot of something I didn't write down today but will tomorrow, that helps build the white cells up to prepare my for my next session in 3 weeks. Bonnie gently told me she thinks that shot is $8000.00 per time. I hope she is wrong and that my insurance is good!

Alex and Beth are so good about helping me when I need it. Alex went to work late to take me to the hospital today but Beth picked me up and is taking me again tomorrow. I can no longer lift heavy objects (like bags of dirt and ground cover) because the port can move and then I have bigger problems so they are helping me get that spread around so I can plant when I have the energy. I am so determined to eck out 30 to 60 minutes a day after the nausea goes away. But we'll see - I am pretty lazy when I have a good excuse or can make up a good excuse or can get away with a poor excuse. My friend, Susan, is taking over cleaning the church this coming week, so cancer is my excuse for that. Beth is bringing over chicken soup for dad and I tomorrow or the next day - depending on how sick I get.

All in all, considering what this is and that it still seems surreal. It was a good 2 days. Boy that even seems surreal to say that. But then I am not nauseous or tired yet. Then the reality will hit I bet.

Kathleen and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I have cancer. I HAVE CANCER! I have cancer? What a crock! My doctor called me late yesterday afternoon as I was having a lovely nap and gave me the news. What a terrible way to wake from a lovely nap snuggled under the covers in my bed. I must admit I wasn't terribly surprised - I had a biopsy on Tuesday and really thought it would be cancer. I have breast cancer in my right breast. Crap, it couldn't even be on the left side? I had the meeting with the boob doctor today and decided to have a lumpectomy on Tuesday. It is done on an outpatient basis - in and out - the lump and me from LDS Hospital.

I couldn't feel anything, when I had my physical last month my regular doctor didn't feel it, and the boob doctor couldn't either. After two sets of mammograms, and two ultasounds she saw it and I had the biopsy on Tuesday and got the results yesterday, Wednesday. After thinking about it for a while I went to Beth's and told her. It was surreal to verbalize that I had cancer. It still seems unreal. Today I told my friend Susan, my trainer Peggy, Alex, and now I have to call Courtney and tomorrow night I will try to reach Ryan. I wasn't going to tell anyone until after the surgery but I need transportation so I had to tell someone and then I thought how mad I would be if my children didn't tell me if it happened to them. I am not going to let anyone else know until after the surgery though. I will be fine and don't need people bringing food. I have already eaten about 2000 calories in candy since yesterday afternoon.

The prognosis is very positive for what we know at this time. As far as the doctor can tell no lymph nodes are affected. It is an aggressive tumor but we caught it very early. We will know more after the surgery and lab results are in of course. Then on to the oncologist for info on radiation and/or chemo. It is all unpleasant and too bad it happened in the spring, my favorite time of year to work in the yard! I was hoping to do a lot of yard work but may have to take it easy on that. Maybe I can postpone the follow up treatments until July when I don't want to be in the yard much.

I haven't cried really - just a bit the first time I had to say the words to Beth. It was so unreal that verbalizing it was shocking. I know I will be well in the long run and so grateful that it was found early. I look forward to this being behind me. I am only emotional when I think of telling my kids. I am not going to tell the little grandkids or my dad. The little kids would worry for no reason when I am going to okay in the long run and my dad will just cry. I may have to tell him if I get really sick on the treatments though. I will deal with whatever comes up; I always do in one way or another.