A New Year - Another Beginning

I confess, I love beginnings. I love to start a new year, a new month, a new week, a new project. You get the idea. I used to forbid my children to turn over a new month on the calendar because it gave me such a happy feeling to start fresh. Well, last year was totally new and different but not what I had in mind for a new beginning. That gives the start of this year an even greater weight to begin anew.

I saw the oncologist last week and he says I am doing extremely well. I won't be 100% for a couple more months which made me feel better as I was starting to get depressed with my energy still not up to par. Now I will not expect that until spring. Spring! My most favored time of year - new beginnings again - new leaves, new flowers, etc. , again, you get the idea.  In March I go for a new mammogram and see all the doctors again. That will be a really stressful month as I wait to get the results from all the tests a year after the crazy news that I have breast cancer. This year I hope to say - I don't have breast cancer.

I started the year a week later than usual since I had my oldest son and my grandson here from Omaha. But it was totally worth it to be able to visit with them when they weren't visiting friends here in the valley. But, once Christmas was cleared away I began cleaning and purging. I cleaned out the linen closet, the storage trunk in my bedroom, and the quilting mess. Now I have begun on closets and getting the DI bag ready for donations. I hope to get my car all fixed up too since it has some issues with a door lock and a side mirror that need replacing. Then on to each individual room - a scrub down from top to bottom. I wasn't able to do that last year and so I really feel the urge this year. I am not going to do anything outside until sometime in March except scoop the dog poop. I HATE that but I am too cheap to pay someone to do something I can do myself.

I have upped my gym attendance to three times a week and the doctor gave the go ahead to go everyday if I choose to. I choose not to, but I will up it to four times a week and increase the duration at least one or two days a week. I am going to try a zumba class but it comes after my regular strength and tone class so I don't know how long it will take for me to stay for two classes in a row. I am hoping just 3-4 weeks. I had started increasing my gym time last year to help me lose 50 pounds and then the cancer issue started and I decided that was enough. Now that issue is gone and the 50 pound loss is upper most in my mind. I figured if I wrote it in my blog I would feel more committed. I am doing better in cutting calories but I always prefer high calorie foods so I have to be diligent.

I hope to pay off the cancer bills with tax return money so I will be able to save again to get the house ready to sell later this year or next. I would also like to take a road trip to Washington if I can get a sitter for my dad this year. I am going to look into short and long term care centers near by and that will free me up a bit to travel if one of my brothers can't come and stay with him for a few days while I am gone.

I am full of gratitude for my blessings, or luck, or good fortune or whatever one chooses to call it of the last year. As bad as it could have been it seems to have gone by fairly easily. I didn't weep and wail and wallow as I have seen so many others with cancer do. I don't think that helps one fight the disease and if you are doing what you should and can do that is all you can ask of yourself. Is it bad to have cancer? Of course, but it could always be worse. I am so grateful it was me and not one of my children or grandchildren. And there are many things that are so much worse that can happen to one in this life that this is just a blip on the radar. We all have to die and cancer is just one way, not always the best or worst, just one way. Doctors are able to cure so many cancers now with early detection that it is not the definitive death knell it once was.

Radiation Begins

Last week I was "mapped" for radiation. That means they tattooed 5 little dots on my chest and sides, took measurements, and took x rays. This week I went every day for radiation, which was very fast and efficient. So one week down and five more to go. It has taken only 45 minutes round trip, changing clothes, and radiation! I must admit it is annoying to have to go every day though. This first week I have not noticed any change in my skin but the doctor said it could take from two to three weeks for any discoloration, but I did buy some aloe to put on my skin as soon as I see an change so I don't get bad burns. The radiation burns are what I am most nervous about - they are ugly and painful from what I have heard from people who have gotten them but not everyone gets them. I hope I don't get them but I have the aloe to help and if that doesn't the doctor said he would give me a prescription for something stronger.

My oldest daughter and youngest son came over and helped with the yard work I needed done to prepare for winter. I have only a little left to do this fall and hopefully my energy will return to normal by spring and I can prepare my yard to look good for selling the house. Now I have a cold with sore throat, but I think it may take longer then usual to pass. I'll see since I haven't had any illness since all this started last March. I feel I have had an unusually easy time for all this treatment and hopefully it will continue. The nausea, body pain, and sleepiness has been minor compared to those I have talked with and read about - I am blessed to have gone through this so well.

Now I have to whip up a quilt top this month for a Christmas present so no time for sickness.

Thanksgiving

Quote: "We need to be grateful for many things that did not happen." Langenhoven

Every Thanksgiving most of us think or talk about all the things we are thankful for in the past year. I saw this quote today and thought how true it is for most of us. I thought back to when I would travel between Utah and Minnesota several times a year when I was in college. How careless we all were in our over crowded car without seat belts and how blessed to not have anything but minor discomforts during those trips. Look at the news and how many have accidents or are stranded at airports because of various reasons. I know that I, for one, drove too fast over snowy and icy roads several times and was so fortunate not to have to step on the brakes as we would have skidded and crashed for sure. I look at all the sicknesses that so many children have to go through in their young lives and none of mine ever had a serious illness. Look at the children, mothers and fathers who die much too young. The worst thing I ever had when young was a divorce and a child who had trouble being in control. Big deal! In the larger scheme of things, I was so incredible blessed not just by what I had or was able to do for myself and my family but for all the terrible things that could have happened. but did not.

I love the Thanksgiving holiday. I thought I had expressed this sentiment to everyone I know but apparently I missed telling my children. I do love this time of year because I really try to be aware of all my blessings all the time but I take time during November to really focus on the blessings that I may over look. Look at the billions of people who have been born through out the world and I was born to a LDS family in Minnesota, not in Africa, Asia, Mexico, or the projects of huge cities in America. I worked to graduate from college, but at least I was able to do it! I always wanted children and had no trouble or miscarriages with my pregnancies. I have amazing good health for a person my age. My health woes are extremely minor - few meds and no joint replacements or heart troubles. How cool is that! Almost all my friends my age have these problems so I am amazed and incredibly grateful.

My heart is full! My life is full and I am happy!

Happy Thanksgiving 2010.

Blessings

I was so excited to wake up yesterday to March 1, the first day of spring in my book. I could hardly get to sleep the night before because my mind was running wild with all the things I would be able to do now that spring was finally here and no more freezing days and nights. Spring is the re-birthing of the earth and everything fresh, new and beautiful. It makes my heart sing every year and makes my so happy for all my blessings. Spring and Thanksgiving holiday are my signature blessing times. There is so much sadness in the world (e.g. Haiti, Chile, the wars, etc.) that I don't want to forget that I have so many blessings that I should not even spend a full day upset over my taxes (have to pay almost $2000.00 this year extra!) So today I heard a new mantra that I think I will try to remember and have it a part of my life. "Bless and Release" Accept those things that upset us and we can't do anything about, remember the bigger blessings, and release those negative feelings into the cosmos. At least that is what I got from the statement. So I have. I am so blessed to have my own home and be able to help my parents through their difficulties. I am blessed to have the money in the bank that I had saved to fix my yard that will now go to taxes. What if I hadn't saved any? I am blessed to have children who are an asset to their families and their community. I am blessed to have terrific health so I don't have to spend lots of money on health care and medicines. I am so blessed to believe in a Heavenly Father who loves me and wants the best for me. I am blessed to have friends who go to lunch, plays, movies, classes and other activities when I need company or help. I am blessed to be able to walk in the park and appreciate nature around me. I am blessed to have the faith that sustains me when I get depressed and upset over events that I don't understand. I am so grateful for having had the opportunity to work at good jobs whenever I have needed to work and not be unemployed so that I can be retired now if I so desire. I am grateful I was able to get the education I wanted. These are just a few of the many blessings that rise to my mind and fingertips as I type this. I have nothing but gratitude in my heart today the second day of SPRING!